Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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