I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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