would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
