i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
