that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
