the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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