I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
