the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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