you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
