I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
