I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
