She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize