then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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