Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
