Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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