Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
