Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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