dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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