I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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