i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
