That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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