i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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