What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize