I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
