ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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