why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
