that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
