I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think people are normalizing furries
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
