btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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