Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
