There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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