the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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