do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
