My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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