He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
