I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
