My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
