we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
