Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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