he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
