she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
