you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
