hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
