I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
