Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
