you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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