I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
