What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
