Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
