My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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