$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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