She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
