I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
