I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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