Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
