we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
