I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
