The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
