her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
