We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
