I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
