i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize