i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
