Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They took my balls.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
