I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
