I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
