I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
