this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
