maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
