i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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