The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
only if we run a train.
done.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
