he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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