What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
